SEE THE LOCH NESS MONSTER as JACK THE RIPPER! 

 "Amazon Women On The Moon" (1987)

Directed by Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, Robert K. Weiss and John Landis

   

   Among the sketch comedy anthology films that exist, "Amazon Women on the Moon" has always been my favorite. Not only did I watch this film a lot as a kid, but I still find it to be funny and filled with weird moments. It's a film about channel surfing, with you as the viewer. Every show you stop on, you see a scene from.
Featuring close to twenty sketches, these are my 5 favorites:

"Mondo Condo": 
   A man is a victim of his own apartment. Everything he interacts with results in him, getting hurt in an overly cartoonish manner. His remote control, garbage disposal and bookshelf are among the inanimate objects that are all out to get him. A series of silly accidents eventually lead to his death. Um...SPOILER ALERT!
   The man is played by Arsenio Hall, who in 1987 was still an unknown comic actor. Although Arsenio does not have a large body of work, this scene is my favorite piece that he has ever done. The second would be his non-stop crying in "Harlem Nights".

"Hospital":
   A couple waiting to see their newborn baby, keep getting the run around by an inept doctor who has temporarily misplaced their infant. Griffin Dunne is wonderful as the doctor who goes as far as trying to pass off a Mr. Potato Head doll as their newborn baby. This and the film, "After Hours" made me love Griffin Dunne in the 80's.

"Blacks Without Soul":
   B.B. King campaigns in a fundraiser commercial for black people born without "soul". So, it's pretty much black people acting like exaggerated versions of white people. Of the examples shown, David Alan Grier shines as singer, Don "No Soul" Simmons.
   This character returns throughout the film as "the guy who took an affliction and made it into a successful music career". It's not so much his singing and dancing that makes the character work for me, but his way of constantly smiling as he sings. Who does that? Try smiling non-stop while doing anything. It starts to feel and look creepy.

"Amazon Women on the Moon":
   The title sake of the film is a parody of a campy 1950's Sci-Fi film, where astronauts land on the moon to discover that it's inhabited by sexy ladies. Cult movie star, Sybil Danning plays the Queen of the Amazon Women, in a dress that really shows off her...uh...bouncy parts.

"Bullshit or Not":
   A television show that parodies "Unsolved Mysteries", while the title takes it's cue from "Ripley's Believe it Or Not". This episode ponders the possibility that famous serial killer, Jack the Ripper, may have actually been The Loch Ness Monster. I love when something is so not even close to being possibly true, that it either loses the audience completely, or makes weirdos like me entertained.

   The huge "Loch Ness Monster as Jack the Ripper" puppet is amazing! Is that the proper term? It's looks like a huge puppet. Thank God, it's the non CGI 80's. If any sketch in this film had a spin-off film, I would want it to be this one. I wouldn't want a film about the show, "Bullshit or Not", but about The Loch Ness Monster dressed in clothes, going around London and killing prostitutes. I always find it funny in movies or cartoons, when all an animal or monster has to do to fit in with people, is wear clothes.
  
   Having watched "Amazon Women On The Moon" recently, I was afraid that it might have aged poorly. For the most part, it has aged well.

   If you have never seen it, what are you waiting for? The ensemble cast is surreal. Try to find another film that include, among others, Michelle Pheifer, Steve Guttenberg, Carrie Fisher, Rip Taylor, Arsenio Hall, Sybil Danning, David Alan Grier, Steve Allen, Rosanna Arquette, B.B. King, William Marshall (yes, Blacula), Russ Meyer, Andrew "Dice" Clay and the Loch Ness Monster.

(Artwork by Isaac Keith Martinez)